


Ocean

by fizzyburr



Category: Pentagon (Korean Band)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, I FELT SAD WRITING THIS, M/M, Ship, Yanno, hopefully my sadness didn't blind me from how bad it is, i love them, this is kind of sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-23
Updated: 2017-01-23
Packaged: 2018-09-19 13:12:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,607
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9442103
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fizzyburr/pseuds/fizzyburr
Summary: Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. He couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t see: his vision went black. It was like he was in the ocean and the waves came crashing down on him, causing him to sink deeper and deeper.Except he was standing.





	

**Author's Note:**

> EEEP okay so this is the pairing yanan and hyunggu ... am i the first one on here to right a fic for them?? idk BUT FOR SOME REASON I WROTE ANGST WHEN THEYRE SO FLUFFY ... so theres fluff at the end but... u know... most of it is Depressing 
> 
> ENJOY SKDKSD

Hyunggu was always affectionate with everyone, that was just who he was. He wasn’t shy, he loved making others feel loved. He loved attention, loved cuddling, hugs, kisses. Gender didn’t matter to him, it never did. He loved wearing skirts, crop tops, he was… different than the most of the guys in Korea. Pentagon never minded though. They embraced his femininity, and accepted him as their own.

No one questioned his sexuality or thought twice about what he might feel. And honestly, neither did Hyunggu. Although he was feminine, he knew he was attracted to women. He didn’t need to think about it.

But then he was sort of forced to think about it when Changgu confessed to him that he had feelings for Yanan. Of course, he didn’t mind that Changgu was attracted to men, he minded that the male he was attracted to was _Yanan._

He didn’t know why he minded.

He had a panic attack for the first time that night.

When he saw Yanan the next morning, it was hard to process what he was thinking. Mainly because he didn’t understand what he was thinking, what he was feeling. He’d noticed it before, but Yanan was beautiful. Especially in the mornings. The other members, including Changgu, would say he was crazy for thinking that. But there was something about Yanan in the mornings, he wore an over-sized t-shirt, shorts that were a bit too short that the t-shirt actually covered them, and his favorite - his hair always stood up due to bedhead. Hyunggu thought that Yanan’s forehead and eyebrows were… strangely attractive. Of course, he never thought that he was _attracted_ to him. He thought he was just making observations... platonically. Things were different now.

Yanan smiled at him softly, opening the cabinet to grab a box of cereal. Hyunggu pretended that the smile Yanan gave him didn’t send butterflies straight to his stomach. _It’s just Yanan. Get over yourself._

Thankfully, Changgu came into the room and looked knowingly at Hyunggu. The practically married couple began conversing, and Hyunggu took that as his cue to leave.

It was like this for months.

He couldn’t get Yanan out of his mind. His hands, his lips, his figure, his smile, his legs, his...  _everything_. It took him a little while to get used to his recently discovered sexuality, and he still hadn’t told anyone about it. He didn’t think he ever would. Although Korea was slowly adjusting to change and become more open minded, this would create a scandal so bad he could potentially lose his job, and ruin Pentagon’s reputation.

He’d rather die than do that…

And then everything came crashing down. Fuck. Fuck. _Fuck_. He couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t see: his vision went black. It was like he was in the ocean and the waves came crashing down on him, causing him to sink deeper and deeper.

Except he was standing.

He’d been walking towards the kitchen when he accidentally walked in on Changgu kissing Yanan in the living room. Given the fact that Yanan was frozen still and his eyes were wide open, he figured this was their first kiss. Hyunggu coughed slightly to be acknowledged. Yanan pulled away fiercely and covered his mouth with his hand, making eye-contact with Hyunggu.

Changgu turned around and looked at him, his cheeks pink. “Sorry,” He laughed, followed by a wink.

Hyunggu was still frozen. “Uh-” _Just say something._ “Yeah. Um. Okay, I’ll just go- I was heading towards the kitchen- I - Sorry.” _Be cool._ He felt their eyes on them as he walked away, causing him to panic and trip over his feet. _God you suck._

Instead of going to the kitchen, he walked to the bathroom, where he closed the door and locked it behind him. He couldn’t breathe, all of the sudden he was hyperventilating, it felt like he was dying - tears were flowing out from his eyes, which only made him angry. “Stop crying,” he said to himself, his heart beginning to race. He looked at himself in the mirror, taking a deep breath and trying to calm himself down. It wasn’t the first time he’d had a panic attack. He knew how to control them now.

He looked in his eyes, and found himself getting a grip on reality. But it didn’t make him feel any better. His body felt heavy, too heavy, and he fell to the floor.

 _Don’t cry. Don’t cry. Stop crying. Why are you crying? You knew nothing was going to happen between you anyways. You decided not to do anything. Stop crying. Don’t be a baby. You’re pathetic._ A knock on the bathroom door interrupted his inner argument. “Who is it?”

“Um… it’s me.” Yanan. _Seriously?_ If anybody else were in this situation, he’d laugh. It was unbelievable. Hyunggu sighed and opened the door.

Yanan’s eyes were widened, his cheeks flushed. “Have you been crying--” He immediately asked, noticing how red Hyunggu’s eyes were. Hyunggu could only chuckle and nod. “I - uh. I want to address what you saw in the living room.”

“It’s okay,” Hyunggu shook his head, smiling softly. “I don’t care if you two are…”

Yanan sighed. “No but that’s the thing. We’re _not._ We’re nothing. I don’t want you to get the wrong idea… I only see him as a brother, honestly. He’s family.”

“Why would you care if I got the wrong idea?” Hyunggu asked amusingly, trying to cover up the fact that his heart felt like it was being shredded into two just looking at Yanan.

Yanan wasn’t expecting that question. He furrowed his brow, trying to think of a way he could get out of this conversation. He looked at the bathroom walls, avoiding eye-contact. “I have to pee,” he said suddenly. “So… we’re cool?”

Hyunggu tilted his head slightly. “You don’t wanna know why I was crying? And you didn’t answer my question--”

“I have to pee. Unless you’re okay with seeing my dick, I’d prefer if you’d leave.”

“We’ve showered together,” Hyunggu reminded, annoyed at the sudden avoidance from Yanan. “But… okay.”

Yanan didn’t want to know why he was crying. And he didn’t want to know why he cared if Hyunggu got the wrong idea. Because if he knew, he would have to accept it, and he didn’t want to accept it… because no one else would.

That night, it was hard sharing a room with Changgu. Changgu hadn’t said a word to him since Yanan ran away after he kissed him. It was awkward. Of course, he felt bad that he didn’t feel the same way, but he knew nothing he could say would comfort him at this time. It was best they distance themselves for now. So, grabbing a blanket, he decided to sleep on the couch.

But Hyunggu had stolen it. He was partially annoyed, because there was no logical reason as to why he had to sleep on the couch unlike himself. Part of him was just gonna let him sleep, but then he remembered what he’d told him. _“You don’t wanna know why I was crying?”_

He’d given it great thought, but there was no way that Hyunggu would cry over him. Hyunggu was straight...and so was he. So, there was no way he’d cry over him.

Right...? At that moment, he decided he had to know. He had to. 

He shook the boy from his sleep, and Hyunggu rubbed his eyes softly, trying to adjust to the dark. “Yanan? What are you doing--”

“Why were you crying?” Yanan blurted out, surprised by his own forwardness. He was kneeling on the floor now, to be leveled with the other. There was a slight pause as Hyunggu processed what was happening.

He had to tell him… Hell, he was sleeping on the couch all because he couldn’t sleep in his own room. _(He found that thoughts of Yanan plagued him once he slept in there)_

“I was crying because…” He looked into Yanan’s eyes through the dark, and at that moment he thought: _Fuck it._  He leaned forward, meeting Yanan’s lips with his own. Like that, it was as if all of their memories together had flashed in their minds, and it felt so _right_. Unlike when Changgu kissed him, Yanan’s eyes closed. And then his hand met the back of Hyunggu’s head, gripping onto his hair and deepening the kiss. Hyunggu was pleasantly surprised by this, and retaliated by surprising the other with tongue. A year ago they found that they were very competitive, and once one of them would do something risky, the other had to top it off with something better. It was the same with kissing, as it seemed. _(Kids)_

When they pulled apart for air, they were glad it was dark in the room so they couldn’t see each other’s red faces. Yanan’s forehead rested on Hyunggu’s, and Hyunggu kissed him softly once more.

“So… now you know,” Hyunggu said quietly, causing Yanan to shiver. And then, in a turn of events, Hyunggu smirked. “Why did you not want me to get the wrong idea before?”

“Do you have to ask…” Yanan whined softly, causing Hyunggu to laugh. He liked it when the other huffed and puffed.

“Come here,” he said, making room on the couch for Yanan, and Yanan obeyed shyly as Hyunggu wrapped his arms around him, kissing the back of his head, and then his neck. “I love you.”

Yanan gulped.

He had trouble accepting himself.

But… Hyunggu accepted him.

And maybe that was enough.

With a happy sigh, he whispered “I love you too,” before drifting off into a deep sleep.


End file.
